Marital Monday: Pick and Choose Your Battles

The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook”

~ William James

Recently, I was reading an article interviewing married couples who had been married for a number of years. They were asked questions about how they met, how they knew they found “the one”, and some others. What stood out to me was the repetitive answer to this question, “What advice would you give to other couples?”  Although each couple was interviewed independently from the other couples many of them gave the same advice. That advice was to pick and choose your battles.

Pick and choose your battles.

PICK and CHOOSE your battles.

What does that mean? Are we supposed to just accept things in our marriage that we don’t like? When our spouse does something that hurts our feelings are we just supposed to sit quietly and let it happen over and over?


It simply means not everything is worth fussing over. If you want a harmonious home you can not nit pick every thing that your spouse does. For example, Rick (my husband) does not care to sit and watch commercials. I learned this early on. If a commercial comes on he will change the channel to watch something else while mentally timing when the program we are watching should be back on at which point he will change the channel back. I on the other hand will just sit and wait till the commercials are over.  I am not of fan of the switching back and forth but am I going to complain about it every time he does it? What would that do but annoy him which in turn will cause me to become annoyed at his annoyance. Why go through all of that? Instead, I just sit and watch whatever he changes the channel to since he always turns back in time for our program to come back on.  Does he complain every time I leave tea wrappers on the counter (which is pretty often)? No. He picks them up and throws them away.

You have to pick and choose your battles. Not everything should be a complaint. As a woman I think I can say honestly that we are more prone to nag than men. Ladies I know you are rolling your eyes at me now but it is true. You know it is. Men, you can stop nodding in agreement, lol.

Ladies, whether you know it or not your husband tunes you out after a while when you complain about everything he does that might cause you both warranted and unwarranted frustration. So when there is a serious issue that is bothering you he is not taking it as seriously because to him you are just nagging again. Try to stop nit picking over the little things and only bring to his attention when you have a genuine concern. He will be more apt to listen and resolve the issue because he will not see it as you just complaining like you always do.  Husbands, if you are a nit picker the same applies to you. Give it a try and see the results. You will find a more harmonious marriage.

So in years to come if my husband and I are ever being interviewed and the question is asked of what advice would I give other married couples. I think I would give the same response.

Pick and choose your battles.



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