I once read somewhere that, “women use words to share emotions, while men use words to share information.”
I must say I found this saying to be very true in the early part of my marriage. I have always found Rick to be a great communicator. That was one of the qualities that initially attracted me to him. However, I don’t think it was until after we were married that I realized we use words differently. The majority of his communication was him sharing information, and the majority of mine was me sharing my emotions.
Before I realized we communicated differently I would often find myself getting frustrated. There were times where I would even feel a disconnect because I would notice something would be on his mind but when I asked him his response would be “no, nothing is wrong” and after a lot of pestering then perhaps he would just admit to being tired. Now, Rick knows he married a social worker and it is my job to study, observe, and talk about issues. So I would wonder what the problem could be which would quickly turn into ‘it must be me’ because if it wasn’t then he would tell me what was on his mind.
However, that wouldn’t be the case at all. After he realized how much I internalized his lack of communication he would tell me what the problem really was, which was usually just stress. Sometimes it would be work related and other times just the stress of being the head of household. I can imagine how difficult it must be at times to head a household. You go from just taking care of yourself to now a wife, and in time children.
Why couldn’t he just tell me that to begin with? Because that was not what he typically used his words to communicate. He used words to share information.
Over the years this has changed. We both have adapted to the others’ communication style. I share more than just my emotions and he shares more than just information. However, we are still trying to understand one another’s thought processes but that is a whole different issue, lol.
How do you and your spouse share? Do you find this saying to be true?