Never Think You Can’t

In 2010 while pregnant with our first child I told my husband that I was interested in getting a prenatal massage. I researched prenatal massages and became familiar with the modifications that needed to be made. When I phoned the spa to book my appointment the woman assured me that they had a masseuse that was skilled in providing massages for pregnant women, her name was Denise.

When I arrived at the spa I was greeted by a friendly receptionist and directed to the locker room and waiting area. I went early purposely so that I would have time to enjoy lounging in the comfortable robe, drinking the refreshing lemon water served in a wine glass while listening to the relaxing soundscapes in the waiting area. I was totally unaware that my outlook on myself and life would be changing in a matter of minutes.

“Patricia.” I heard a soft voice say. I looked up and saw a very attractive young woman in her early 20’s.

“I am Denise, I will be giving you your massage today.” We said our hellos and exchanged warm smiles.

I followed her to a room where she had me lay down on the table. It was then that I realized that she only had three fingers on her right hand. I know some people in that situation may have felt a bit uneasy but I had the exact opposite feeling. I was very comfortable. I wanted to know more about her. I do not know many individuals that would be able to overcome an obstacle like she had by doing what she was doing. Her job was working with her hands and one of which was badly disfigured.

As I closed my eyes to enjoy the serenity of the next fifty minutes I began to think about my own purpose in life. I had just celebrated my one year anniversary and expecting our first child. After getting married and relocating to a different state I was unsuccessful finding employment doing what I loved, which was working with students. Then once we discovered we were expecting our first child my husband and I decided that it would be great for me to be a stay at home mom.

I became so involved with my role of being a wife and impending motherhood that I was no longer doing things for me. I lost my passion for things I was once interested in and very good at might I say. By losing focus of my interests and neglecting to foster my talents I know longer had the confidence in myself that I once had. I have always enjoyed journaling and writing stories, but I no longer took the time to do so. When I would come across something inspiring that propelled the urge to write I would dismiss it because I no longer felt that I was good at it.

As those fifty minutes were slowly going by I was thinking of what Denise had inside her that motivated and inspired her spirit to choose a career that many would not think she would be able to do. What was her drive that allowed her to push past the naysayers and achieve her goal of being a masseuse? There was something that she had that I wanted. I wanted to believe in myself the way she believed in herself. Instead of being envious of this young woman I was inspired by her. Along with being a wife and a mother I wanted to do things that I enjoyed doing.

How dare I ever say that I am not good enough to accomplish a goal I wish to achieve! How dare YOU ever say that again about yourself! When you do think about Denise.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I went back to get a massage from that same spa and requested Denise. The woman told me that Denise was no longer there because she was given a greater opportunity somewhere else. I was happy for her while disappointed that I could not tell her how she inspired me. I will never forget those fifty minutes and how they changed my life forever.

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